This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
