Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
