remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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