if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
