I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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