I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
