3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
