am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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