Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
