I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
