Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
