I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
