No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
