Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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