just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
