thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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