the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
