turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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