Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
