Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
