I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
