I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
