Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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