I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
