and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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