so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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