Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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