i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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