ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
