Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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