Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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