I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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