I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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