On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize