True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
