I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
