Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
