I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
