no you cant smoke seaweed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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