Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
