Swine flu is the new snow day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Randomize
