ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
