don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
