Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
