Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
