Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
