My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
