I have demons in me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Boobs speak an international language.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
