doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
