i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
