Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
