hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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