i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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