you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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