im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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