I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
