You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Mom said you looked used
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
