i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
