is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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