Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
