i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
