I'm going to jail i love you
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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