so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
