i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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