Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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