come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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