Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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