you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
