I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
