So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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