U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
