I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
