Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
