now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
