this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from