tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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