new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions