He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
