Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
