yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
how drunk are you?
Several
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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