it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
