Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
