You're my little dorito
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
